Mai Kao is
an active member of the community. She was the coordinator for the Hmong Women's
Circle throughout the Wausau community. She is a loving mother and hopes that
one day there will be peace again.
Where
were you born?
I was
born in Weaton, Illinois.
When
did your parents come to America?
My parents came in 1978. A church or a couple from a
church in Texas sponsored them, so that’s where my parents ended up. Then my
parents moved up to Illinois shortly after their arrival in the United States. I
was born in Illinois then we moved here.
In
your family, how many kids were there total?
I have three brothers and two sisters so there are
seven kids total. I am the oldest. Plus my parents there are nine of us.
What
lessons or did you learn from your parents?
My parents are very good parents. They taught me to
become an independent person, to be strong, and to really value education
because that was something that they did not have in Laos. So my parents really
made sure that I kept on going on my education. My grandmother has taught me a
lot of traditional use. She always tells me that it’s always best to be
patient and to have long tempers and to be understanding of other people.
What
types of beliefs or blessings do you think your children have learned from you?
I think my children have learned to value the Hmong
culture and the Hmong language from me. I realize how hard it is to learn both
Hmong and English because I was born in the United States too. I didn’t learn
Hmong until I was about 15 or 16, so I wanted my kids to learn Hmong and value
the Hmong culture at a younger age. Right now my kids speak Hmong fluently, and
that’s something I really like.
What
is the view your husband has of what a wife should be like?
Well, my husband is about 9 years older than I am. So
he does have some traditional views. I think that he thinks a wife should be
understanding of the husband’s expectations. I think he thinks a wife should
take care of the kids, do the chores around the house, do the cooking and have
patience with everything and everyone around her. However my husband is very
supportive of my education. I finished college during my marriage to him. He
helped me through my education years and onto grad school, so I am very thankful
of that.
So
your husband somewhat wants you to be like a traditional Hmong woman?
Mai Kao: I think all men do still desire some traditional
traits of Hmong women. But I think Hmong men, my husband, he does know that in
order to survive this country you do have to be able to be independent in order
to survive through this. He has given me that freedom too.
Did your beliefs about
family change as you went into the Hmong culture at age 15 or 16?
My views maybe have changed, but not too much because
I was very fortunate to grow up in a family where we had close ties. We always
had dinner together at the table, and we always had a certain dinnertime. I
carry that along onto my own family, but the only is I think keeping the Hmong
language alive and speaking that within the home that I have sort of have picked
up on through my adulthood.
What
is the most important thing a mother can do for her children?
The most important thing a mother can do for her
children is just to be a friend to the children. To talk and listen to them ask
them about school and spend a lot of time with their kids because I think living
in the United States you kind of loose that when you have a job and other
responsibilities outside of the home and inside of the home. You kind of loose
focus on what’s really important. You know family is very important.
Has
your mother talked at all about the journey from Laos to Thailand to the U.S.?
Well my mother hasn’t really talked about the
journey. My mother has talked to me about her life there, the farming and the
way of living. But my father has talked a lot about his journey from Laos into
Thailand.
What was it like?
My father was quite young at that time. I believe he
was a soldier. He was telling me that he and about five other guys traveled on
foot, I think a few of them were barefooted, they had weapons with them too and
no food. It was at least four days, a four day journey. I remember when my
father was telling me that they would shoot at any soldiers that would come near
them because they were mostly Vietcong soldiers. It was a form of survival. When
they got to Thailand, they were hungry and their feet were all bloody. It was
just not in good condition so they had to get help from the people in Thailand
in terms of medical care, food, and housing.
What
part modern cultures do you like the best?
I like that the American culture stresses
communication in all relationships. I think that in the Hmong culture we tend to
not give so many compliments enough to our children and to our loved ones. I
think that we also don’t really stress the importance of communicating very
thoroughly with each other, and I think that that’s something that we’ve
learned from the American culture that we still need to educate and work on
ourselves to better our relationships.
What do you think is the
most important Hmong tradition you want to preserve for your children?
The most important Hmong tradition I would say to me
is, it’s quite difficult; I would think just the Hmong New Years. Right now I
don’t know how religions are going to be. I don’t know how weddings are
going to be in the future, but I think that the Hmong New Years should be
something that my kids and their kids should be able to celebrate because it’s
the only celebration that we still celebrate in the United States and all over
the nation for all the Hmong people.
What
does it mean to you to be an American citizen?
I’m very proud to be an American citizen because
that means freedom. I have never experienced not living freely, but hearing
stories from my parents and hearing stories from others not having the freedom
to voice their opinions, not having their freedom to attend school, and to look
the way they want to. I think that it’s something that I really am grateful
for. Just to be able to be free and to be me in this country.
How
do Hmo
ng women differ from Caucasian women?
I don’t think that there is much of a difference
between Hmong women and Caucasian women. I think that we all have the same sorts
of goals. We all have the same kind of love for our children and our families. I
think the only difference is just the timing. I think because many of our Hmong
women have come over to the United States in later seventies and eighties and
nineties, we’re just kind of picking up at nineties. I think before long
everybody will be at the same level.
Do
you think women are treated better in Laos or in the U.S.?
I think that women are treated better in the U.S.
because we women know what are our rights are in the U.S. We know we are
entitled to rights to protect ourselves, our bodies, our thoughts, and our
opinions. I think no one can take that away from us even though there may be
some miss treatments still in the U.S. I think that we are all better off in the
United States than in Laos.
What are some of the
greatest challenges for you and your family since you got to Wisconsin?
I think the greatest challenge is always just making
a living, earning enough money for a large family like ours. My dad went to
college at Mount Scenario College, in Ladysmith, Wisconsin. Our family had
to live off of welfare for four years when we lived in Ladysmith. That was a
very tough time for all of us, my parents, all of us kids. We had very low
income and we lived in a community where there weren’t very many Hmong people.
It was quite difficult. I think that just being able to overcome that period of
time was the most difficult, but after that time when my dad graduated with his
undergrad degree, we moved on to Eau Claire. My dad got a job with the Wisconsin
State Department of Natural Resources, and my parents opened up their own
business. It was the Deluxe Bakery right in the downtown of Eau Claire. It all
paid off in the end. We all were very happy with the results.
Did
you and your family experience any discrimination?
Yes. Discrimination, we have faced in the past. I
remember being a gook and being called chink. People just kind of looked at us
very weirdly and threw things at us while we were in the car driving.
Discrimination has happened to us. In my own family, with my two kids and
myself, we have faced discrimination too. One time we were walking through the
mall and man came out of one of the stores and saw us and called us gooks. My
kids just looked at me and asked me why did they call us that, why did they say
something like that, are they mad at us, what did we do. It still happens. I
hope it doesn’t happen that much anymore because our kids are so innocent. It
very difficult to explain why there is discrimination toward us.
Do
you think there is more or less discrimination today than 20 years ago?
I think there is still discrimination, but I think
there is less. I worked in the Wausau are community for about five years. I know
that there are a lot of caring people out there in the general community who
want to reach out and help the Hmong community and Hmong families. I think that
before long we will just get along just fine. Discrimination is something that
probably won’t disappear completely, but I think that it will lessen in the
future.
Where
would you rather have your children grow up, in Laos or in the U.S.?
I would rather have them grow up in the U.S. I
don’t know Laos personally, but I have talked with kids from Laos and they did
say that Laos is a fun place too, but however there are not very many hopes and
dreams there. Maybe with that I think the United States provides a lot of goals
and dreams for our kids to work towards.
Do
you think the schools do enough for Hmong students and their parents?
Yes, I do think that the schools are working very
hard at getting the Hmong students into programs that will help them with self
esteem, their academics. And I think that the schools are doing a lot for the
Hmong parents to participate more in their children’s schooling. At the Hmong
Association we do get calls and announcements that we receive from the schools
to air on the radio and on TV. That means a lot. That means that the schools do
care about our Hmong kids and our Hmong parents.
At
home, what language do you speak mostly?
At home we mostly speak Hmong. I speak Hmong with my
kids. I speak Hmong with my mother-in-law, father-in-law, and with my husband.
What
about at work?
At work, because I work at the Hmong Association I
speak Hmong too, but when we work professionally we speak more English than
Hmong.
Do
you think it’s hard to make friends with people who aren’t Hmong?
No, I don’t think it’s hard to make friends with
people who aren’t Hmong. I think it’s the same with everyone whether they
are Hmong or not Hmong. You just have to have the courage to go up to somebody
and introduce yourself, start a conversation and try to get to know one another.
I think it’s just the same as making friends with a Hmong person.
You
have a daughter right?
Yes.
What would you say if your
daughter came up to you and told you that she was dating a Caucasian guy, are
you ok with interracial dating?
Yes, I’m okay with interracial dating. I understand
that everyday she will be around Hmong people, Caucasian people, and all sorts
of other people, so you can’t control the environment. People are all the
same. I will be understanding of her. I may ask her questions that would be
general questions whether she was dating a Hmong or a Caucasian, just making
sure that the person she’s dating is a good person. That’s all.
What
do you think her grandparents would say?
I think her grandparents would sort of disapprove.
But I think it’s fine as long as I’m supportive of her, so then I can
explain to her grandparents and her dad.
What do you think about gangs in our community?
Well I don’t work too closely with gang related
issues, but I do think that the gangs are disappearing. I think that the gangs
were very visible in the 90’s, but then I think the gangs are eventually
fading out because the gang bangers have grown up and have families to take care
of. I think our younger kids now are not turning to gangs because they have
better appreciation of themselves, of their Hmong culture, and better
understanding. There are a lot of programs out there to help out the Hmong kids,
so I think we’re seeing less of gangs.
Do
you think that they affect our image as Hmong people?
I think that with every group of people, there are
stereotypes. They’re just stereotypes that maybe Hmong give themselves or give
their own youth. Other groups of people might also label Hmong youth as being
all gang bangers, but they’re just stereotypes that everybody sees.
What
do you think about Hmong kids getting married young?
Well, I was one of them. I got married when I was 17.
I am not supportive of getting married young because I myself have been through
it. I know when you are young you make mistakes, and you are still not sure of
what you want to do or where you want to go with your life. Marriage should not
be something that is a mistake in your life that you have to live with.
Eventually kids will come into the picture and you don’t want that to happen
if it’s something that you’re not sure about yet. I think that the youth
have to focus more on their education, finish schooling, finish college, and
find stable jobs before they do think about starting a family or getting
married.
What defines you as a Hmong?
Oh boy, I don’t know, my black hair, my brown eyes,
my flat nose, me being short, and my ability of speaking Hmong.
Do you think it’s hard to
live between two cultures, the Hmong culture and the American culture?
Yes,
I think it can be hard no matter what age you are. I think it can be hard. I
remember having difficulties when I was younger. Even Yes,
I think it can be hard no matter what age you are. I think it can be hard. I
remember having difficulties when I was younger. Even now
as a Hmong woman, as an adult I still kind
of find it difficult at time making decisions on whether I want to do it the
Hmong way or the American way. I think sometimes you just have to go half way
with things and do some things the Hmong way and some things the American way.
Oral
History Project 
