I am twenty-three-years-old. I am married to Toulee Moua, who is the Sports and Fitness
Coordinator at Boys and Girls Club, and we have a beautiful girl named Janessa
Ntsaislias, who will be a year old by the end of February.
I have lived in the United States for about 20 years now and currently, I
teach 8th grade at DC Everest Junior High.
How old were you
when you came?
Let’s see, I was four-years-old.
Do you remember
life in Thailand?
I really don’t remember anything, even the long plane ride to America.
Someday I would like to go back to see it for myself.
When you were
growing up, what was life like in Wisconsin?
It was difficult yet easy at the same time because I guess it was due to
my age. I was so young and I really
didn’t know what was going on at the time. I mainly went to school and came home to help my parents.
I can still remember my early years of school.
In kindergarten, I went to Howe Elementary School in Green Bay and later
transferred to Fort Howard Elementary School.
I did all the regular things every kindergarten did except I had to learn
English. I really don’t recall it being very hard.
It came naturally because we grew up with other families that were here
first and everyday in school we were continually practiced our English skills
and continued with new ones. My dad at the time was also going to a technical college to
obtain his GED and he made sure we practiced English at home.
He would make us, particularly me, read to him every night.
My siblings and I also became very familiar with the English language and
it started becoming our conversation language.
My parents really didn’t care much at the time if we were not speaking
our native language because the emphasis at that time was to be English
proficient and to be educated. My
dad taught us it was the key to success in America.
We continued transitioning and assimulating into American life. We would have became a fully assimulated American family, but
my grandparents came in 1989 and it totally changed our way of life.
I found our family carrying out forgotten traditions and rituals.
We had more cultural celebrations and we had to relearn Hmong to be able
to communicate with my aunts, uncles, and grandparents.
It was very interesting to learn about my background and gain back my
cultural identity. I didn’t mind
it one bit growing up having a foot in each culture.
It thought it was so cool.
Did you face any
prejudice or racism even after you were done with school?
I probably did but I never let it affect me.
In elementary, children often don’t see the colors when it comes to
friends. In middle school, I really
didn’t see much prejudice or racism, too.
I knew that there were problems between the Hmong and the Caucasian
students but I never became part of the groups that had problems.
I just never did. I kept to
myself, I was a very reserved girl then. If
I saw it, I ignored it. I really
didn’t attach myself to the groups that were going to engage in a fight due to
skin color. I got along well with
many of peers. In high school, I
could see where the lines were drawn, especially when I went to the cafeteria,
but it really never did bother me much. I
decided I was going to get along with everybody and if people had questions
about me or my culture, I was more than willing to answer their questions. In class, I would talk about my background and correct any
assumptions students made or had about my culture. I really didn’t feel that people were against me or the
Hmong people, I knew it was a lack or education or ignorance on their part.
Today as a professional, do I still see racism and prejudice?
Yes, Yes, Yes. I’ll repeat
what my dad said to me a little girl, “Education is the key.”
Did you ever
witness any clashes of the cultures?
Yes, I did many times in High School but I thought it was absurd.
It was sometimes as small as clothing that stir up a big fight, I just
kept clear out of the way of situations like this. Other than that, I didn’t
see anything. Wausau West at that
time was trying to get the kids to interact and mix, so this was a step to help
ease the clash of cultures. Then in
college, something wonderful happened. People
started to mix. In high school,
people are worried about impressions and image.
In college, it was totally different.
It may have been the type of friends I had there, but something changed.
People were not as worried about their image because it was a new place
where perhaps they needed to find new friends and start out different. I met a
whole bunch of different people and it was the first time I wasn’t afraid to
reach out and be different. In high
school, I knew a girl who never talked to me at all. She was a popular girl and at college one day she came up to
me and asked me how it was going. I
told her I was doing great and asked her the same question.
I started to see that there wasn’t much difference in people at all.
What type of
overlapping did you see?
One thing that was really funny is that we were not afraid to make jokes
about people’s cultures. We felt
comfortable around each other. We
would eat an ethnic salad in a classroom and not worry that it would stink up
the whole classroom. That was fun,
little things like that. When we
invited people over to our house, we didn’t worry that the house would smell
different. People weren’t afraid
of sharing their culture either. I
went to a friend’s powwow and that person came to my New Year’s celebration.
We were all willing to learn about each other’s cultures and others
around us.
Do you believe it
was easier for you as a minority or was it the same for you and for other
people?
No, I don’t think so. I
don’t think it was easier because I was a minority.
In fact, it was been harder. I
had to prove myself and jump through more hoops to get the same opportunities as
others. I hated that.
I hated that I had to prove myself first.
I had to prove I was worthy of a chance or an opportunity because I
didn’t have connections or worse yet, I was girl. I was successful in my life
was because I was determined and I proved that I was worthy of any opportunity
in the way. Did my culture have
something to do with it? Yes, very
much. In my culture, girls were not
expected to go to school, but this made me more determined to go to school and
to better yet make something of myself. I
finished high school, went to college and got a great teaching job.
Do you have a mix
of cultures in your life now?
Definitely, much more than I have had before.
In college, I met a native American, a sweet guy, and he taught me a lot
about the native American culture and how similar it was to the Hmong culture.
I met a Thai person, very interesting, she was married to one of my
advisors, who had spent two or three years in Thailand where he had met her.
We have become good friends. I
also met a number of Caucasians who taught me many more things about their
cultural than what I knew before. I
also met a foreign exchange student who was Japanese, who was just wonderful at
teaching us about her culture. I
definitely feel more cultural sensitive and knowledgeable now.
Do you have a
Hmong lifestyle or an American lifestyle or are they mixed?
They are mixed. They are
very much mixed. Since I have a
family of my own now, I know the importance of having balance of both cultures.
My husband and I really pick and choose what we like out of each culture
and instill those parts in our family. This
allows us to be more flexible in whichever situation we just happen to be in.
We both know we can’t truly be Americans or Hmongs, but we can adjust
and make the best of both worlds by integrating them.
When did you meet
your husband and when did he come over?
Toulee came to the United States in 1990 and I meet him at a social.
When were you
married?
I was married before I finished college.
We had a traditional Hmong wedding.
Did it
affect your education process?
Yes, it did. It gave me a
different perspective about going to college because I didn’t live at the
dorms and hang out with all my friends from high school.
Instead, I lived at home and I met new people and made new friends.
I took a different path than the one I had imagined, but my husband and
his family was very supportive and it was a great experience.
Would you mind
describing your marriage for us?
Let me describe a typical marriage.
Hmong people don’t have an engagement period unless there is an
official engagement. An official
engagement is when the groom’s family actually comes to make a monetary offer
to the potential bride’s parents for a future marriage. The
bride usually is forbidden to court other gentlemen and must not marry anyone
else. If she does break the
agreement, her family will have to pay a penalty to groom’s family.
What is marriage? As soon a
young man takes his bride to his home, they are considered married after a
spiritual process which welcomes her to the family at the door.
From this point on, the woman automatically loses her family clan and
becomes part of his clan. Then the
elders and leaders of the groom clan’s will contact the bride’s family of
the marriage and arrange the wedding ceremony.
In between the marriage and the ceremony, the newlyweds are given a more
formal spiritual ceremony to announce the marriage and bless the newlyweds.
They will then visit and spend a night the at the bride’s parent’s
house. The wedding ceremony usually
takes place about a week or two later, depending on arrangements of the elders.
The celebration will take about 2 to 3 full days.
The groom’s family starts with a meal that will send off the group of
people for the wedding ceremony. Each
person that goes has a special and specific role. The groomsmen are the negotiaters and the bridesmaid is the
keeper of the bride. The bride will
leave dressed in her husband’s traditional clothing and later return with her
family’s traditional clothing. Upon
the journey, the group will stop halfway and perform a little ceremony and then
will procede to the bride’s family’s home.
The first day or night is usually just negotiations between the groom and
bride’s family for an appropriate bride price. When an agreement has been made, special songs are sung to
acknowledge the agreement and the securing of the marriage.
The next day holds the true celebration of the marriage.
Everyone from the bride’s family comes to see her for the last time.
It is the last time because the bride will officially leave her role as a
daughter behind and take upon a new role of daughter-in-law in her husbands’
family. These days in the modern
American society, a bride may move four block or a 4, 000 miles away and will be
able to visit her family easily. In
Thailand, it was very sad because the bride may never see her family or friends
again. The group now comes home, retracing their steps and having one final
celebration of the marriage at the groom’s home.
Does the daughter
sever ties from her old family or do they stay close?
When a girl marries, she becomes a part of her husband’s family and is
responsible for helping her husband and his family.
She is no longer a part of her own family.
Are the rituals
the same here as in the old country?
They have become much shorter. I would say that they are not as traditional.
They used to be very meaningful but are losing their meaning slowly
because the young people in American are not familiar with rituals and many do
carry them on.
Can you compare
Hmong teens during your teenage years and Hmong teens today?
Yes, there are lots of changes. I was part of a group that was much more mature because our
parents were so much more traditional and we were the older siblings.
The older ones don’t get much slack and we were expected to care for
the younger ones and do the household chores.
Teenagers back then were more traditional and knew their history a lot
more and were less Americanized. Their
values and morals were obviously different from kids today.
I was more mature, I could cook, and I took care of my siblings. My younger sister today can’t do many of the things I was
expected to do. My mother now
understands what American kids are like and doesn’t expect my younger sisters
to be like I was when we first came to America.
The older Hmong
are worried about losing the Hmong traditions.
What is your response?
Where do we lose it? I am
not really sure but the way we are going, it is possible that we may lose our
culture. We really need to work
hard to keep it alive. Just think
back to early Irish, German, or Italian immigrants. When they came, I am sure that they spoke their native
language and kept their culture alive, but generations after them lost more and
more of their culture and now considered themselves purely Americans.
When I look at the Hmong community, I feel like the same thing is
happening. We try hard not to lose
our culture, but this is America and I feel like we are truly becoming a melting
pot rather than a salad. I guess is it American to become the same?
I am a parent now and I am beginning to understand what my parents went
through and why my grandmother wants to keep our language and culture so rich.
I will keep teaching my daughter the Hmong culture, so she understands
and know her culture. Hopefully,
she will pass it on and so forth. As
much as I hate to say it, but I think it is inevitable that we will lose our
culture.
What are most
proud of in yourself and your culture?
I am most proud of the way Hmong people collaborate and bond.
I have never seen a group of people who gather and support each other as
much as the Hmongs do when it comes to a celebration of life for death.
What part of the
culture are you not proud of?
We are a very male-dominated culture.
The males make the decisions, get the recognition, give the discipline,
and basically run the household. Women are perceived as the weaker of the
partnership, the caregiver, the less independent, and the bearer of children.
They are rarely given the same opportunities as men and must constantly
maintain and watch their reputation closely.
Today, the Hmong culture is slowing becoming less and less of a
male-dominated culture due to persistence and determination of women these days.
Are you a citizen
of the United States?
No, I am not. My husband
and I are probably going to start the process in a year or two.
One of the benefits of becoming a citizen is voting and we plan to take
full advantage of this benefit. Voting
is very important since many Hmong do not have this benefit or do not recognize
the value of it. People in the
Hmong community need to become educated about issues and candidates, so they can
be able to make an informed decision and the decision they really want.
Have the elders
melded into society here in Wisconsin?
They are trying to, but it is very hard.
In Thailand, many elders had prestigious jobs or provided well for their
family. When they came to America,
their lack of English resulted in them sitting at home all day or getting a
menial job in a factory. It is very
hard for them to adapt and resume a sense of the same responsible they had
before in their native land.
Is there anything
else you would like to share?
I strongly promote girls in our culture to get an education.
I encourage them to grab this opportunity and to run wild with it.
The possibilities for our girls are endless. At the same, we need to encourage our boys to take their own
stand and continue their education to create their own endless possibilities,
too.
Oral
History Project 
